Friday, May 16, 2008

Am I a Gold Digger?

So......after being lightly referred to as a "Gold Digger" (not by anyone remotely important but decided it would make for a good blog posting) I decided to Google it to see if I would possibly be placed in the "Gold Digging Hoochie" (GD) category! (safe to say, I am STILL just the same old shallow shoe whore - the gold digging title didn't stick) BUT I have learned some valuable information should I chose to travel down the thin line between gold digging and prostitution. I say the 'thin line' because isn't the only separating the two a hoe stroll and a pimp named Slick Back?!? (pimp name provided by A. Callender - please DO NOT assume that I know any pimps or have been in the presence of any pimps other than my uncle)

I have learned that there are simply two types of GDs; the women who could care less about you or them hoes that they make it rain on and the women who care enough about you to remember your name and the quickest way to make you cum. (HEY NOW) The first is only interested in herself and what she can acquire, the latter has more or less allowed herself to date you because she thinks you're the best she can do at this moment in time; she probably likes you but she will never refer to you as more than the one that takes her to the mall or the one who has paid her maxed out Visa bill from her secret sex-crazed weekend in the Poconos with your sister!!!
You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that ideally you want to avoid these chicks whenever possible. (but for those idiots who read my blog, AVOID THESE CHICKS DONKEY) Unfortunately, these GDs are usually a peg or two above their respective men/women in terms of looks, so the fools are usually too busy thanking the high heavens for their good fortune to notice how frequently GD needs a new pair of shoes or a condo on 5th Avenue! These5 signs will tell whether or not she's into you, or just your money. While there are certainly exceptions to every rule, and most actions are open to interpretation, they do serve as a general rule of thumb.....see, I have love for GDs too! (wink)
1. She only sucks you off after you've bought something for her.
This is the GD's way of repaying you, clearing her debt! It's also her way of classically conditioning you: you have to pay before you can play. Depending on your financial status, this may be something as small as dinner in a moderately priced restaurant, or it may mean jewelry is required before she'll drop her to her knees and make your toes curl! Either way, she's your own personal call-girl, whether you realize it or not. (okay, so the whole "personal call-girl" thing might apply to me but that alone does NOT make a girl a GD.....just a woman )
2. She falls out if you refuse to buy something for her.
This sounds obvious, but it's a very common with gold diggers. The tantrum may be subtle like giving you the silent treatment, for example, but it tends to start at the moment of refusal and lasts until your next purchase.
3. She only suggests expensive restaurants, hotels, etc.
If she's too good for the diner or fast food meal, she might be a gold digger. The point is, she never selects a destination that will be gentle on your wallet.
4. She earns a very modest income, yet everything she owns is very expensive.
This is less obvious than it sounds. A good gold digger knows how to network and she knows she needs some kind of job. She'll probably work part-time (part-time is the KEY word) somewhere and supplement her income with your donations. All those shoes, clothes, etc you better believe she didn't pay for them herself.
5. She never offers to pay the bill, not even her share.
Now I have read articles on dates and who should pay; I fully believe a man/more aggressive woman should pay for the first date. Period. However, I also believe that a woman/more feminine counterpart should always offer to pay for herself from the second date forward and even offer to fully pay at times. Regardless of whether or not you agree with me, let me assure you that if she's never offered to pay in any capacity, she's a gold digger.
Safe to say that I am NOT a GD nor do I think that my Boo would be interested in dating a GD or considering a future with a GD! My strength, independence, and constant "hustle" are part of the things that have allowed her to fall in love with me.....but much love to yall GDs that are on your grind, 15 days until the rent is due! (wink)
Smooches & Gold Digging Quick Claps

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