Tuesday, September 18, 2007

September Horoscope

Good Morning DIVAS, decided to try something new today - HOROSCOPES! Yeah, yeah, I know it's the 19th of the month but better late than never. (yall heffas are TOO much) So, this is how it's gonna work.....I will write the horoscope from the September issue of Marie Claire (well a portion of it) and then I, the ultimate diva fashionista, will translate. (read them all, you might learn a few thangs) Ready?

VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22)
We know caring is sharing but sharing isn't always caring as you will soon find out.
Translation - Maintain control, don't hurt nobody girl! PS - Happy Birthday!

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22)
You might fall in love this month...or at least get some action.
Translation - Straight girls need to double up on the birth control and lesbians should put new batteries in the vibrator, just looking out for you ladies since you will be getting your groove ON! PS - Happy Birthday to you too!

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21)
Everyone will find you super sexy and irresistible this month, even your boss.
Translation - Use your feminine ways to get that raise girls, pump em up, pull out the knee pads, and put on that tight dress for work today! lol

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21)
Big time changes will come to your career and life.
Translation - Stock your bar at home, you'll need a few drinks! (better double up on the protection as well since a few drinks too many might get you some extra action too, if you need any batteries find a lesbian Libra - she'll have plenty this month)

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19) *my sign
It's a leap of faith kind of month which is not your strong suit. (tell me about it)
Translation - Leap your faith into a new pair of shoes ladies and then walk in those shoes to the nearest bar for a Mojito! (mango and wild berry are my choice)

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18)
Don't spill someone else's beans when you get the urge this month.
Translation - Don't out and out put some one's business on blast (unless it's a celebrity which in that case you should call me IMMEDIATELY so I can blog it), give hints and let people guess.

PICSES (2/19-3/20)
You may feel a bit alone but you deal with solitude well.
Translation - Masturbating may be your best friend this month, buy yourself a new toy and borrow some batteries from a lesbian Libra! lmao

ARIES (3/21 - 4/19)
You can never be too popular, get ready to party!
Translation - hire a personal assistant to handle your schedule you party animal! (and pass some of the invites on to me)

TAURUS (4/20 - 5/20)
Lots of warm fuzziness, lots of trouble, and lots of sex!!! (hey)
Translation - borrow against your 401K in advance for the bail money you will need soon and better start practicing the Kegel Exercise to tighten up those vaginal muscles in case they get loose after all that sex!!!

GEMINI (5/21 - 6/20)
Think about what you usually do, then do the opposite.
Translation - there is a possibility that you might SNAP and have Lifetime movie made in your honor girl.....hold on tight!

CANCER (6/21 - 7/22)
Month-long time-out for you = PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR!
Translation - rent a porn and release some built up frustration. (no, you can not borrow any of my batteries!)

LEO (7/23 - 8/22)
Make money plans, not plans with your money.
Translation - don't buy every shoe of the week listed on this blog, only 2! (smile)

Hope you enjoyed!

Until tomorrow - Smooches, Quick Claps, and Much Love-

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