1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2. a friendly relation or intimacy.
3. friendly feeling or disposition.
So let's talk people....growing up as one of the only Afican-American children in Lake Parsippany during the 80's wasn't easy! Racism was strong and unfortunately I learned that at an early age, spending the majority of my school years shunned by my fellow classmates. (insert sad music here) It was difficult to make friends and I entered college friendless and unable to identify with the strong bonds of friendship.
It wasn't until my Sophomore year at Hampton U that I met my BFF #1(best friend forever) and years later that I met my Boo (yes, we were friends first), who is my other BFF #2. In between meeting those two, I befriended another individual who is still in my life today - who I have been known to call my "third best friend" (BFF #3) in order of hierarchy. BFF #1 and #2 have always and will always hold a special place in my heart, for different reasons but neither of them can be exiled, replaced, or dimminished.....but BFF #3 has been a bit suspect for the past 4 years!
At first I thought that maybe we were just growing apart as some friends do, our interests were changing as were our life situations. We had a few incidents where I chose to fall back instead of going for her jugular and in the end she always came back as if nothing had ever happened, and I forgave her - but I have always wondered if she would be a lifelong friend. We do no share moments the way I do with BFF #1 and BFF #2, but we have been there for another during times of need. Even with that being said, that unbreakable bond of close friendship just isn't there. Yes she has always been loyal, rejoiced in my success, and held my hand during stormy weather but something changed about 4 years ago - she seemed to have issues with anyone I was involved with romantically. She became petty, unsupportive, and territorial; forcing me to keep my distance frequently, but we got through that.
I was actually RELIEVED this year as it appeared that she had matured and changed, possibly because of her knew relationship - until last night! I will not go into detail as I am learning to not reveal so much about my personal life on this blog but I need to vent....and a fellow blogger (http://diaryofacuteface.blogspot.com/, hey Traci) suggested about a week ago that I release on the blogsphere (cause she SO lets it out on hers) so her I go; THE FRIENDSHIP WAS ALL AN ILLUSSION! My head has been spinning all night, not only do I not understand the bullshit and drama that she delivered to my front door but I don't understand why? I've decided to look past the drama that was neatly wrapped like a Christmas present and handed to me as I opened the door, I've decided to look past that she went out of her way to come to my home, I've decided to look past that even my tears didn't persuade her to stop "the gift" from continuing to spew lies and try to focus on the W-H-Y she pretended to be a "concerned" friend.
Aside from drinking a whole bottle of wine, crying, and acting irrationally, I have come up with no answer to my question. I do realize that she never has had my best interest at heart, was questionably honest, only spoke the truth pertaining to pointing out the faults of my counterparts for self-gain, and that we NEVER had a mutual understanding!!!
TO BFF # 3 - YOU ARE A SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING, A TOTAL WASTE OF SKIN WITH THE IQ OF A KITCHEN SPONGE, AND YOU WEAR BAD WEAVES! YOU ARE PHONY EVEN THOUGH I HEAR YOU LOVE TO TELL OTHERS HOW PHONY, PLASTIC, AND BOUGIE I AM! YOU ARE FAKE, TWO-FACED, DISRESPECTFUL, ENVIOUS, SNAKE IN THE GRASS! I AM DRAINED AND CONFUSED BY THESE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE INTERACTIONS....NO LONGER WILLL I MAKE ACCOMMODATIONS FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR THAT DEMORALIZES, EMBARRASSES, AND JUST DOWN RIGHT ANGERS ME - FUCK YOU!
Thanks for listening!