Why Couldn't I Have Been Blessed With a Touch of Anorexia?

As most of you know, I am preparing for my wedding that is coming up within the next few months....so I decided that I should shed a few pounds to ensure that I look EXTRA svelt in my dress. I have worked hard to loose the almost 60 pounds that I have shed thus far but slowly I see a pound or two creeping back up on the scale after every weekend I spend being spoiled by the soon-to-be-Mrs!! (just in case you have heard differently, I am forced to eat those ribs at Smokey Bones when in VA) I decided to get back in control - and begin a d-i-e-t.



I started this week out strong drinking my hot lemon water before every meal to jump start my metabolism and am Smart Start cereal, 2% milk, and a banana for breakfast. I started selecting healthy salads and yogurt for lunch and even have traded in sharing a cookie with Sheba for dinner for a Weight Watcher's frozen meal or two. (Sheba is not too happy with these changes, I can tell by the eye rolling I get after she sniffs my fork, lol! But she and Kennedy have started to develop little tires around their waists - HELL, WE ALL ARE DIETING IN THE BUSH HOUSEHOLD!) Like I stated earlier, I started out strong.....until I got my period this morning!



Somewhere between getting out the shower and arriving at the front door of my job, I had decided that I could cheat just a bit on the diet to soothe raging the hormonal Gods that lurk within. (and so I didn't snatch a ho on the 10th floor) Anywho, my co-worker who is dieting with me agreed to cheat as well. I had grits with cheese, turkey bacon, multi-grain toast with butter, and coffee with cream & Splenda hoping this would satisfy any and all cravings for the day; but it didn't! So by the time lunch came, I knew I wanted something fried, smothered, and dipped in chocolate!!! (you know you have been there too) I walked with a friend to Penn Station, she was having a mini crisis with her man and I was there to listen....until the aroma of freshly fried fries filled my nose. I couldn't resist, I had to have some so I ordered a medium fry and small diet Coke for lunch, hoping that the diet Coke would even out my caloric intake. (I can rationalize the HELL out of some bullshit if forced to)



So I arrive back at my desk to indulge in my fried treat when my fellow "dieter" called herself checking me about my lunch selection! (insert horns, fangs, head spinning, and steam blowing out my ears HERE) I couldn't even control myself, how dare this skank check me and in front of my fellow aisle mates?!?!? I quickly and loudly snapped, "I HAVE MY PERIOD, CAN I EAT MY FRENCH FRIES IN PEACE"? The I entire row got quiet...phone calls paused, headphones came off, men threw up a bit in their mouths but I didn't give a hell, I turned right back around and enjoyed by tasty delights until my toes curled under my desk!



All that to say, why could I have not been blessed with a touch of anorexia so none of this would even be an issue?!?!?!



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