Have You Ever.....

Have you ever been on a bus trip and didn't know you were going on one? (I know it sounds impossible BUT in my world, anything is possible) Here's the story....

Last month my brother "Sal" (this is not his real name, decided to change it to protect the guilty) called me to ask if I wanted a free ride to Virginia since him and his wife (my IDOL - she has some deliciously FAB grey boots that she wore to Thanksgiving dinner that I am still talking about and it's July) had decided to take the kids to VA Beach for the weekend. Being that my Boo lives in VA and we are spending so much money commuting (thank God that all ends in Sept), you know I JUMPED ALL OVER THE OPPORTUNITY! From that point until last week we really hadn't communicated much regarding the trip except for me to confirm that we were still going and for him to inform me that we were leaving at 11am on Fri.

So Friday comes and they pick me up promptly at 11am (funny, my Diva-In-Training niece thought that my apartment building was a hotel! LOL), and there was nothing out of the ordinary except "Sal's" best friend was also in the car. I instantly assumed he was coming on the trip as well until a comment was put into the atmosphere that he was there to "take the car back home" - okay cool, I assume we must be on our way to Avis or Enterprise to pick up a larger vehicle for the trip. (HEY NOW, these Bushes know how to travel in style!!) We pull of and am I not paying much attention to the drive as I am engrosses in convo with my niece and nephew about their Game Boy & Game Girl games excited about the kind of vehicle we must be going to pick up - maybe an Escalade I think to myself.

Suddenly we pull up at their church (weird I think) and before I could ask out loud why are we at church, "Sal" says "and the bus is not here yet". HOLD UP, "WHAT BUS" I ASK?!?!? He totally ignores me and my sister-in-law innocently says, "the bus that's taking us to VA". Hmmm, I knew were were going to VA but "Sal" conveniently left out the part about a freaking bus trip!!!!! I am in shock but talk myself down and say okay, I can deal with church folk for 7-8 hours - no big deal as long as they don't try to pray the gay up outta me. We unload the car, say goodbye to "Sal's" BF, and head inside the church......to find KIDS EVERYWHERE! WTF is going on? I get close up on the little suckers, close enough to actually read the writing on their matching baby blue t-shirts - "Youth Ministry Dance"!!! (yes y'all, a YOUTH dance team from the church) This is a bus ride to a Youth Ministry Dance Competition! (holy Mary, Joseph, K-Ci, and JoJo)

Okay, now not only am I: A) in full GAG mode, B) annoyed cause I don't do more than two kids at one time, maybe even 4 kids but for no longer than 4 hours, but C) I WANT TO SAY SOME NON-HOLY WORDS TO "SAL" BUT CAN'T BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE GOSH DARN CHURCH!!!! I decide to call my Boo for emotional support and for her to pray for me and my nerves on a bus with tweens/teenagers for a 7-8 hour ride to VA - this heffa gags and then laughs. She asks that I call my BFF on three way - this heffa gags, laughs, and makes comments like "y'all will be singing The Wheels on the Bus and Father Abraham" on this trip!!! (gotta love those two, they know how to make a girl feel worse than she already does) I am looking for a way out but at this point - an excuse, a sudden medical emergency, even an exit but I am stuck! I decide I must try to mentally prepare myself for this journey.

We board the bus, they take roll call (yep, my name was on the list which made me wanna kill "Sal" even more cause this mess was SO planned from the beginning), and we pulled off. I started out sitting next to the DIT playing Dora the Explorer on her Game Girl.....okay, this ride may not bee too bad. About an two hours into the trip both the DIT and myself fell asleep except I was startled and jolted from my beauty sleep by loud talking, Nextel bleeping phones, Soulja Boy song singing, and the crunching of Fritos and Wavy Lay's Potato Chips all up in my ear!!!! I look around and BOTH my brother and sister-in-law have gotten the hell outta dodge and left my ass in the back of the bus with the hormonally-challenged kids! (UUUGGHHHHH, I COULD KILL SAL AGAIN AT THIS POINT) So I text his ass to ask if there are any seats upfront and he says, "No, I traded"! So I reply to let me know if anyone else up there wants to trade cause I am in puberty hell in the back of this bus!! Then, I just couldn't hold it in anymore - I sent him a text letting him know that he FAILED mentioned that this was a BUS TRIP and that it was a CHURCH BUS TRIP! He replied, "LOL"!!!

Finally I am able to make my way up to the front of the bus but at this point I feel like death is knocking, tap dancing, and kicking at my door - did I mention that I get motion sickness and since I was NOT INFORMED THIS WAS A BUS TRIP that I have not come prepared with the anti-motion sickness medication?!?!? (damn "Sal") We finally have a 20 minute stop at a WalMart on Route 13 where I call my Boo to let her know that I am alive and am able to run inside to purchase some medicine.

We reboard the bus and am feeling a little better after 15 minutes of laughter with the other adults on the trip after I told them how I was TRICKED into this trip!!! LOL I accepted that I have been blind-sided by "Sal" (he WILL pay), stuck on a cramped bus, and have another 2-3 hours left of traveling. I thank God that it can't get any worse that what it already is.......and then they start singing yall! Yes, signing - Catholic School songs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even continue the story - you can imagine how the rest of the trip went.

Smooches, Youth Ministry Quick Claps, and yes "Sal" will pay DEARLY! LOL